sunset__sky``

2006-06-24T21:50:00.000+08:00

try

i'm trying!
where money came from
from under the drain and i'm going to continue sailing. now maybe for all the race excitment, but prolly not next time. i see people racing who're 25 years older than i am. and they're enjoying it. maybe i will too next time. or i'll get a boat, sit in it during the weekends, play golf with my wife, drink beer on the boat.. eat grass on the green. i'd like to sail around the world actually.

so much for so little. it was a long time since i've been overseas to sail, and if it seems like there's nothing much to it in the first place. then why now?

i try.

2006-06-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

another attempt to revive this blog
a revamp should be in session

too much of a good thing is not good enough. what's there to define good now a days.
me (now) as a piece of pizza

Prep Time : 15min

Cook Time : 20min

Course : Lunch, Pasta

Type of Prep : Boil, Heat

Cuisine : Italian

like a 4 formaggi, there's too much cheeze on it.
1/4 Gruyere: so much for sailing, so little from it too. now if i look at it, so much for most of the dreams that i had after coming back from italy. obviously most accolades from the past don't speak out much. and much izzint just passe (thanks yi-ming) anymore.
recently, the much anticipated asia pac proved to me that my mental izzint as strong as how it used to be. i tell colin that i've never hiked 100% before, and now i think about it, what difference does it make to me as a sailor if i've never done 100% in italy or canada, and 100% now in singapore? if i want to prove myself, i should have done 100% in canada and italy, not wait till a regatta in singapore in which will not have direct influence and try to go all out..
sad to say, i never reached 100% in asia pac. the closest i ever got was in one race, and for that, i think it was the only race i'd had deserved my position.
and the happenings in the school team worries me even more.

1/4 Edam: Studies might have taken a new priority. it shouldn't be ala quarttro, but more like a third. if its so much of an importance, why then is procrastination my main worry.

1/4 mozzarella: Council, it was a choice which i made to enlist upon. its a good choice by me, not a favourite by the people who have been supporting me. it's going to be here to stay, come 26th June 2006.

1/4 Belpaese: jazz is one thing, playing it is another. time is invested and time is lost. it occured to me that you can't win time. and time is never on our side. its always on someone else's, but who? you may ask. who? the time which dictates different jazz styles are getting the better of me nowadays, i can't play like how i used to 4 months ago. i can't hold my instrument and feel like i can make music anymore.

topping: there is this one. which i mentioned to my mum today, which i hope will be the first on the pizza, and the last to go when its eaten.

2006-04-11T20:14:00.000+08:00

i don't know myself anymore

2006-04-08T21:22:00.000+08:00

my first car accident!

thank goodness no one died. jackson and i were sitting in the back of the red van (and thank goodness my dad wasn't driving the car. he'd flip) and then this woman driver just rolled into the back. so jackson got a lil bruised in his neather regions. so this hot girl came out of the car looking quite distraught. her number plate fell off and the bumper became dysfunctional. i got a picture of the car!

anyawy, she was quite hot. old though. and we concluded that it's probably not her car in the 1st place. haha. and damages will probably cost quite alot.. tsk tsk.

2006-04-07T20:08:00.000+08:00

megaphones and saxophones

colin and i were doing gym at katc today. i haven't been to that place in 7 months, since i came back from italy. and they took away my carding saying that i haven't been training regularly. so cannot go for physio. -pouts.
so i thought about it, and there came up with the paradox of a good sailor

if i want to sail, i must come down for training
if i train, i improve
if i want to study, i cannot go down for training
but if i study, i do well in my subjects
theorotically, if i want to be a good sailor, i must train
and if i train, i cannot study
if i cannot study, i cannot do well in school
if i don't do well in school.. how?
exceptions: dawn <--- that one can do well and win sea games

and so, i tried explaining s, p, d,f to colin. in which i realized that i could recount only so much. so, its back to chem.

and weddings. maybe i've already found my best man. hahaha. (ratherly gay)

and i got demoralized seeing ronald susilo running on the track with me. when i reached kallang, he was running. 15mins later when i was at the track he was running. when i was running at 70% (trying to keep up), he was still running. when i decided that there was too much stress, and left the track after 2 rounds, he was STILL running. and after anothe 15 mins in the gym, he came in. goodness. -.-

and so, about the music.
so.. irritated.
amd i don't even know if i'm going to get the green light for another gig.
8:24 the gig is cancelled cuz its the day after oep.
anyway, i don't know what he thinks of me. my father won't even open his mouth to say anything anymore.

2006-04-02T21:45:00.000+08:00

i'm back!

oh the experience was good. and the rest was good too!

and i thought about school, work and God. and i realized how much i'm missing out in my spiritual life. and i got back happier than before.

we need an identiy! anglo chinese yacht club.

and i'm going to change myself.

2006-03-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

and so 2 hours

even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; and shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint

Isaiah 40: 30 - 31

God is great

thankew (:

2006-03-30T21:11:00.000+08:00

and today, became a bad day.

clandestine - i wonder why i'm feeling this way. it should be a normal day. i'm currently a loss for words. i don't want to talk.

'you can't please everyone'

ME, is there more personality to a character. there should be less of ME and more of..you guys. i doubt i have personality. i don't know my own personality. and i don't like my personality. personality.

i enjoyed the vault, and company.

'kwong-ming, listen: wake me up when'
'september ends?'

'again, wake me up when'
'september ends?'

'wake me up when...'
'september ends?'

'huh, i don't know what you're talking about..'

'are you sure'

'yes, i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about'

'oh then..'

'what did you mean by that when you asked me that question?'

'oh.. i didn't mean anything, then it's ok'

'madam, then what did you mean?'

'let me give you some advice... firstly... secondly... lastly..'

today pass, and tomorrow come. and i haven't felt like THIS in a long long time. close to a year ago. a year ago.

2006-03-29T20:50:00.000+08:00

truth based on reasoning

i'm a farmer and i live on a farm
i'm a pig and i live on a farm

i'm a vampire and i live in a castle
i'm a king and i live in a castle

i'm a dinosaur and i live in a cave
i'm a caveman and i live in a cave

i can swim
fish can swim
amoeba can swim
sperm can swim
chuck norris can swim

2006-03-29T20:31:00.000+08:00

through a glass, i saw grey clouds in the distace and we continued to talk about sailing. and school. and what came, and what went. and what stayed and what left. and what was remembered and what was forgotten. and what survived and what disappeared. and what moved and what not. and what was enjoyably funny and what was.. not enjoyably funny.

one of which
i'm not going to say. as there is no need. and because people come back down and land on their feet. moving on..

i cut my hair with scissors.
i cut my nails with a nail clipper
i cut my paper with a paper cutter
i cut my grass with a grasscutter

conversely

i cut my hair with a paper cutter
i cut my nails with a grasscutter
i cut paper with a nail clipper
i cut my grass with a scissors
i cut more hair with a cleaver
tsk.

2006-03-17T20:19:00.000+08:00

racing

depends on how i want to revive this blog.

retarded ice bath -.-

sports council seems to be putting in alot of effort into helping the national sailors. they've got this 10k water cooling thing which they brought to nsc. and its supposed to help with muscle recovery. like, sitting for 1min in 20 degs of cold water, then it even went down to 11 deg. the upside- free weider stuff, and more chewey bars X)

vic is 1st, whooo! and i'm like.. 9 points behind her, with 4 more races to go. and poh is catching up.

and my sister and i just managed to find hiromi's album.

that that that

2005-11-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

that

that wasn't
that plan
that could've
that went

that we never thought
that this conclusion made
that there was an alternate
that never did suffice

that was a dream
that wonder
that inspiration that we recieved
that destroyed ultimately
that reality

now that
couldn've been, would've been, should've been
had been
demonstrated upon
we cannot really accept all that we aspired
to have been, that.

2005-11-10T23:12:00.000+08:00

up and down we go. too much of a good thing is not worth having. too little of a bad thing is not worth having either. so, what's good and whats not...

keep it hidden, let it out
listen here, not about
there's no whisper, let me shout

there's no one here
it keeps you near
for there's nothing you should fear

other than malice
hidden droughts
too much is what too little hears

i can't stop it
neither can you
but its how you put it in its view

neither will give
neither will take
it all comes down to this bloody fake

i can't let you
you can't too
let us see the victor through

of small things

2005-11-10T21:55:00.000+08:00

As the mid season transfer season draws to a close, press releases from old club claim that two prominent players have decided to join the prestigious ranks of old club. With only 2 more weeks before the transfer window closes, discussion has arisen to determine the transfer of the players.

Despite the palpable warnings and imposed repercussions to transfers after the original signings, it is now known as a hindrance, one in which can be overridden.

An elated old club spokes person commented ‘we are happy that these 2 players have reconsidered the prospects of the club’

Only one player has granted a short interview by the press. ‘I have played in old club before, and I feel more confident there, although I will still consider offers from any new club’

The other outstanding player has not been seen in the public since his pull out 3 weeks ago, due to prolapse in his own business career.

New club supporters speculate that there were ulterior motives behind this move. Instances of incentives were heard among the rallies outside the new club managerial house which dissipated just 2 hours ago.

New club manager commented ‘there must have been some play involved. There was confidence in the team, and confidence in them. What other factor can you place in?’

With the build up of the 2 player transfer to rival old club, new club’s league system is now in play.

Understanding The Restructuring of the league table is essential to all the clubs vying for the championship. Again, recent speculation has shown that the difference found in the new league table compares exactly, to each point and each goal, to new club’s proposed league system.

Fifa has already given the green light to new club’s proposed league system.

Fifa spokesman ‘we hope to see the results of the new club league system soon, and if it goes through without a glitch, implementation will be world wide’

In a press conference involving rival managers of old club and new club, hesitance was deemed to precede the main issue of the radical player agreements.

Though hesitant to comment, old club spokesperson seemed certain of the sealing of the agreements.

‘there was no play involved. It was the player’s sole decision and we had not put in a word of persuasion.’

‘I can’t understand why there was a sudden move, and both involving two players from new club. And its more obvious if it happens at the same time’

‘we are grateful towards the player’s decision to sign at our club, old club will not let our fans down’

old club manager added ‘we are sorry for our opponents, and would try to reconcile with new club. However, as stated, no play was involved…’

there is this road

2005-11-09T18:30:00.000+08:00

there is this road

As mr charles (nobody in particular) took off, he recalled his aspirations, dreams and hopes. Taking his own time, he made his way down the road, and at the same time, viewing the sky through the corner of his eye. The sky was marred with the intangible instances of stale movement, as clouds moved quickly overhead. Letting it pass, he continued to pedal his way down the avenue, past rosaries and the not so promiscuous bar, which he often got his information from.

He often saw this couple sitting over the veranda of a small coffee house at the end of the avenue, non-chalant and demure as they always seemed, mr charles decided to approach them on this very day. Too much to be exact, was his stride towards the couple as the exchange of cautious words ended abruptly leaving reproach hanging in the air, chiding mr charles for breaking into their area, a violation which the couple seemed to be rather offended by.

Mr charles bore a look of compunction, tenderly peeling off his gaze from the female in the party. It seemed odd though, that he was drawn so much into the conversation that he overheard, exacting his professionalism to an undesirable low.

‘oh I was just wondering, if you could point out where the rosaries are’

‘look down the road in which you came from, it’s a distance from here. At the pace you were going, I’d give it about 2 minutes before you reached…’

the man’s voice drifted into the air. It was difficult for mr charles to place his tone. differentiating malice from genuine concern was something mr charles would not worry about, after all, it was his job to understand human emotions.

‘oh, alright then, thank you for your time. I’m sorry if I intruded into your space that moment ago’

the clouds were moving faster now, as the darkening of the sky divulged to the party’s plan of movement from the veranda, to the sheltered warmth of the coffee house. Gracious as it seemed, both the man and the woman stood up in accordance, smiling unconsciously, and without word, left mr charles standing alone on the porch, as flashes of light loomed over him.

‘I would want to say…’

by this time, ubiquitous incessant chimes of thunder screamed through the damp air. The forlorn look of mr charles seemed rather humorous. The words that left his mouth were dampened through the noise, through the barrier that the couple seemed to have created. It shunned his understanding of human emotion, and caused the demise of his occupation.

The rain had finally come, and when it did, mr charles had already left the coffee house, pedalling his way through the torrid waves of autumn rain, trying to comprehend the undercut in which was served to him on a silver platter.

2005-10-09T20:45:00.000+08:00

24x2

exams are effectively over. everything seems so post examny. math is on tuesday, and i haven't done a THING over the weekend.

friday's coffee session is something worth looking forward to after the exams.
to think about mass communications and depreciating moral values, it takes tradition out of context.

IB is worth looking forward to. heard from a friend who's in aust that he did a 6 for chinese b in standard level. heh. more generals after the exams.

2005-09-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

gracia

thank you all. esp you.

God is great. so are the sailors, prefects and my class.

and ok, back to studying. haha. lunch with the sailors was rather enriching. we should've done it a long long time ago. now i guess its a lil too late. jason's going away, so is wei ming. its been a lovely team, and its been a lovely 4 years. i guess, all good things eventually end huh? hopefully, from this ending, better things will expound them in their place.

2005-09-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

up's down

one more week.
i just thought, what'd it be like if we didn't need to grow up. and if we just remained as we are, right now. how about not growing up? spending our time listening to good music, eating good food - 24/7
aye. i need to get back to sailing, and make it a reality for both calvin and i.

oh i HATE induced current

2005-09-11T19:10:00.000+08:00

withdrawal

the difference between now, and the last is obvious. though i will hold on a lil longer, i hope that this'll mean that we've grown closer. i don't really like the idea, moving from decision to another, hoping that the previous wouldn't have been a wrong one.

'he felt a surge of confidence. he looked back and decided that he could have waited a little longer. he looked upwards, hoping to see his last glimmer of light, before he took his plunge.'

2005-09-09T23:47:00.000+08:00

calamity

if a reasons existed to provide meaning, then what provided the reason? meaning? or self-explanatory questions? ayee.
'kwong ming wake up'
'huh?'
'wake up , what time is it?'
'early'
'what time is your appointment?'
'8.30'
'what time is it?'
'early'
'do you want to keep the doctor waiting? or do you want the doctor to wait for you?'
'-'

'have you eaten?'
'no'
'why not?'
'i don't need it, and its early'
'pack it up, you're coming to my office after your appointment'
'what? i've got an essay to write!'
'i've got computers in my office'
'(i am now fully aware and AWAKE and decided to shut up)'
'serves you right, you haven't eaten'

ok, maybe my dad managed to get me to complete the essay. but i didn't get to eat. thats baddd enough. the day doesn't end there..

He turned around and blinked at the dark night. There was no turning back for him now. Distress was his primary fear as he turned back and fled, fleeing away from those who captured his hopes, his loves, his family. On his scarred face, it painted a similar emotion that was expressed when he first saw, thought the veils of time, the death of his only child. The emotion was strong, as if painted repeatedly by an inspirational artist upon the theme of hate and regression. No turning back, no u-turns. He staggered on.

2005-09-06T19:04:00.000+08:00

picture courtesy of andre
4.14.andre, mauice pandy, aaron hard to imagine, the difference. the similarities.

2005-09-06T18:30:00.000+08:00

chariots

i had a weird dream not too long ago about me driving my dad's car. and the funny thing is, he saw me around the neighbourhood, and said 'good driving'.
and he won't even allow me to ride a bike. let alone letting me get a motorcycle next time. then how am i gonna go around with my vespa?

dreams - subreality/subconcious/extricating/motivational. ever had a dream which you hoped to relive? ever wondered where dreams came from?

'as the ring lay non-chalantly on the carpet, the flames in the fire place flicked. it was raining now, and he walked out leaving his coat behind. leaving all he had behind in the house he thought he knew so well'

2005-09-04T22:37:00.000+08:00

sailing`

sailing: 'is a sport where you get very wet, go very fast in with no particular destination, and spending a lot of money' or something like that.
-from cheng's shirt.

anyway colin, do you still have the lyrics that we composed together on the chi news paper?

2005-09-01T00:42:00.000+08:00

only if
there was a difference before something like this came up. does it have anything to do with the repercussions that i wished wouldn't have happened?
that night was one that.. i wish didn't happen. what if.. there was something else on our minds and..that we pushed the limit. our limit.. our limit of self understanding and self compliance. couldn't we have forseen the circumstances that awaited? the circumstances that loomed? i have been, to this stage, an ignorant, obscure person wandering along the paths that lead me. i seem to be taking a right at every turn, but at the same time.. does that mean, i'm right? is there an alternative that i could take? that now since i know that i want out, and that, would allow me to realize the true wholseome meaning of this incomprehensible web of human emotions, human aptitude and the ability to love?

love has opened another avenue for.. the resemblence of myself.

there are a few that i would like to thank. and those who have helped me through these times, i thank you. from the bottom of my heart.

there were things that i'd rather not remember, that i'd rather pretend that did not happen at all.

2005-08-23T00:24:00.000+08:00

simon says

time to revivemy blog.
my intravert and extravert score is a sardonic 16/16. whats that supposed to mean? i'm intravertly extravert?
a series of events have happened over the previous few days/weeks. non-chalant events that hold individual purposes in my life. though minute in nature, and simple in design, all of them add up to a much bigger picture.
my sax teacher said something which i'm still having difficulties trying to recover. something along the lines of his personal philosophy. he said, life is not worth your time. and basically, you live to die. its true, come to think of it. if theres something that we can be certain of, its death. life, is just the intermediate step or the transition from your birth, to death. its a process which gives the 70 odd years meaning. this meaning is reciporcated through the different stages of your life, of our lives. where we are influenced in different ways, regardless of the benefits and qualms, the audacity of human spirit/karma(as from the lecture) is an unnerving force only matched upon by the brutality of the face of death. in one stage or another, i'm very sure that all of us has felt this wonder of death. this wonder or relization is an attempt to understand what all this life is about.
ever wondered where we went after we died? at this moment, i rest it in my Faith.

2005-08-08T00:15:00.000+08:00

veranda

i was just wondering what i'd be like if people hadn't had expectaions for each other. comparing ourselves with a whole lot of other people, just take those people who DON'T have a computer to start with, even if they do, what if they can't read? we always set something in stone for ourselves, for other people. there are somethings, however, in the world that can't be compared to.

we blame ourselves too much. some people blame other's too much. but where does this blame end up? what's done is done and can't be undone. it's someting that we'll have to learn to accept, unalloyed repentence, understanding and accomodation before we can move on. sometimes, i really feel that certain things happen because we made them happen. at the moment, we can change where we're going, but towards the end, there is still a persistant problem that we can't discard, a problem which is causing each and everyone of us to become irate.

is there a need for proving one's worth? what happened to compunction and regret?if there wasn't night, this wouldn't have happened. if there wasn't cold, this wouldn't have happened. if there wasn't speeh, this wouldn't have happened. everyone is getting tired, but yet, you seem unfaltering in your ways. admiration and despise, both can happen concurrently.

2005-08-04T00:17:00.000+08:00

onset

trentino, riva del garda.
there. have you everthought what might happen when something is pushed into a corner? it wants out.

there are many controversies in life. too much to accept, too much to deny. there is no median which compels myself towards a different pespective in nature. the sardonic smiles of people show not much of intention, but of malice in every corner. what is there when there was nothing there to start with?
people rule by their worth, and their worth is gained through recognition. recognition is gained through exhaltation of personal self belief and excessive confidence. there is no you, there is no we, there is always an i. is this 'i' how we measure ourselves to be? or is this 'i', how society measures us to fit. it's like a taylor, its like a maze.

2005-06-18T23:16:00.000+08:00

voyage

italy. tomorrow. It seems that time flies.
and its flying faster than we all know it.

2005-06-06T23:03:00.000+08:00

poooofr

i ask and ask. why isn't there substantial reasons for reprecussions to happen? is it personal incompetence? is it not true that the older you get, the more responsibilities you carry? is questioning the question wrong? does demanding answers require responsibilities?
sighh. blehhhhh.

2005-06-02T20:02:00.000+08:00

c2-

my gosh. something is really not working out for me. -.-" i need a whole lot of time if i'm gonna sort out my rig.
__________________________
i don't want to miss a thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Cause I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

you'll have to say something.. i'll be waiting. :)

2005-05-24T22:35:00.000+08:00

my low

some things change your point of view for a certain moment, then you revert to your normal, non-chalant self, where mistakes are made again and where demands are reciprocated. sometimes i wonder why we humans have dignity, or moral values, and yet, break them when pressure is applied, finally hoping to reconcile with our conscience soon after. at the same time, wondering why we even took that risk of making the fateful first step into our decision to implore and to beg. in the end, we look back, and reminice in the vales of self-humbling aspects reminding ourselves that what we did was wrong, and yet.. back to reverting ourselves to your normal, non-chalant self...
maybe i should stop asking questions, as how i was while sailing on saturday. and maybe i should start providing the answers to these questions. it's getting to the stage where i think too much, or, i don't know what i'm thinking about. i've got a strong feeling it's the latter.

2005-05-15T00:24:00.000+08:00

amor

do we believe what people say to you? can we trust, when asked to trust? or does it come from different perspectives, where trust is gained, not asked for. together with this, i don't think impatience is something that we can all handle. people say that they can control their patience, or their patience has gone over the limit. this limit is substantiated over the years of experience, where someone who can't keep within other's limits will tend to recirpocate when posed with the same problem. but at the same time, there are those who can keep their limits when people pose them with an even more difficult situation.
to a person, punctuallity shows more than character or love, it shows trust, if i can't be punctual for simple things, it just shows how much respect that i have towards the person. i don't think for the person, as i, am only thinking of myself, i am only thinking of personal gains and benefits. basically, not giving the person waiting for you, any attention and respect. will he trust you if he knew about all this?
i need something to hit me hard, hard enough to get rid of this detestable habit of mine. if not, it won't be a trait, it'll be a habit.
i'm quite happy by keeping my mouth shut, thank you very much. i'd be happier if you didn't downplay the risks involved. i'll be the happiest if we didn't even bring up the matter at all. let fate take its path that everyone seems to follow. personally, it's not my choice.

2005-05-11T23:28:00.000+08:00

halited

if there were possiblilities that dreams reciprocated how we though, how we felt how we are, wouldn't that dream come true? dreams are often referred to the state of mind, a state that is derived from emotions, and feelings, an intangible state that we choose to create, but don't have the ability to manipulate when things go out of hand. megalomaniacs. i've felt enough to testify that how we feel, if not controlled, will get to a point of euphoria, where we would just want to continue playing in our own field of grass, our own moulding grounds. the euphoria of finding happiness, the euphoria of finding thrill, the euphoria of finding depression the euphoria in finding love.
now come to think of it, wasn't romeo like that?
it's like the wanting to gain somthing, just because you are already in the process of gaining it. is that what we all want? regardless of which, is it power that we want?
i dream.
i don't really want to dream anymore as my dreams are taking its toll. i see things that i don't want to see, i see things that i wouldn't want to see.
i know when these dreams will stop when creating
creation is a law that we had built over the years
that people strive for power and commendation process
prove of our own very existance in this forlorn
world
of dreams, lies
hate and
deceit

2 cents

2005-05-03T19:47:00.000+08:00

clarity
people often judge us before they even know what's happening. is it how God intended it to be? to avoid in order not to get hurt? i'm sure if everyone started to find out how someone is even before meeting them, wouldn't that already cause the person to have negative impressions? given time, people change, perception changes, and ethics change too. does that mean our perception to people we haven't met yet, will change too?

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eh guys.. don't let mr wong know about this. i'll get scolded. -.-" bet he'll think we're making fun of him. but we aren't! we're just spotting the odd one out! hahahaha.

did you even read the top part about perceptions?! ;)

2005-04-29T23:12:00.000+08:00

the dog and the man

there was once a man. he took alot pride in his work. he lived a happy life, with his dog in a
small house up in the hills of switzerland. he was also a painter, painting the swiss alps. then,
one day, he bought a computer. and then.. many different things started happening. he learnt how to use a mouse. he learnt that many buttons on the keyboard could actually spell out his name. he was elated, exhasperated and intrigued in this computer.

so this man, took his computer out to the alps, and said 'how lovely it would be.. if i could
just capture this image of the alps on my computer screen.' his dog listened intently, for the
slightest hint of interest that had seemed to wayne from his masters fingers and his hand on the
thing called a 'mouse'.

the dog was too, exhasperated and intrigued, not by the beauty of the computer that was sitting
snugly on his master's lap, but by the whirrs that it made. he ran around the master, trying to
make the whirring sounds, just to get the man's attention.

now the man said, 'only if i could capture this image and sound that my dog was making'
and left the words hanging in the air. when the dog heard it, he felt that he was wrong to have
doubted his master. he knew that his master was still interested in him, so much that his master
would want his picture, not the picture of the alps.. but his picture in the computer that was
snugly sitting in his master's laps.

time passed.

it passed slower than the dog had wanted it to.

the computer still sat snugly in his master's lap. making the monotonous whirring tone that the
dog wanted to imitate.

soon the master seemed to be missing 2 of his nicest paintings, and a small object was now seen
in the master's hand. the man pointed his video camera at the dog and pointed it away, never to
point it at his dog ever again.

yet, the dog seemed complacent, as 'my master is still interested in me'.

the master plugged the video camera into his computer and sat in his house, next to the fire
place, a place where the man always sat if it were snowing outside, it had a beautiful view,
facing the alps. the dog lay next to his master's legs, feeling reassurance, feeling secure, that
his master is looking at his picture on his computer screen.

it was still throughout the years that passed.

as the dog grew older, he didn't notice that most of the paintings of the alps were gone, white
sheets hung from the walls of the house on the hill.

queer numbers and graphs replaced the books on oils, colours and dogs. the newspapers seemed to be coming more often. and the pages were no more of white and red, but on queer numbers and graphs. a screen came into the house, then came internet connection. it was all in the master's room, in the furtherst room, facing the town at the bottom of the hill.

the man went on with his daily routine and so did the dog.

on the last autumn, the dog walked into his master's room. the master was sitting at his table
side, a place where he would reprimand the dog whenever he did not finish his meal. the computer was making its whirring sound, video camera perpetually plugged in, television on the queer numbers and figuers. he looked at the computer again, hoping to find his picture, but all he saw, was queer numbers and graphs. he glanced at the screen, and saw himself, lying on the floor, fur coat a vibrant white. he lay down, quieting his heart, as he took a last look on the screen 'my master still cares for me, he even replaced his paintings so that he could get this screen with
me' he thought. and felt better after the previous glance at the computer. 'its still the same'
he concluded.

he took in his last breath, and before closing his eyes, he realized that the dog on the screen
was not him, it was a totally different breed. it said -
'more dogs are dying because their masters loos--'

the man, sitting at the corner of his room, with the computer sitting snugly on his lap, sighed. sighed one time too many.

why do we fall

2005-04-24T23:30:00.000+08:00

why do we fall.
its a statement where people often use. taking the sincerity of question out of it. to avoid responsibilities? i miss what we all shared last time. now looks like everyone is moving off. even the person that led it all.
singapore national byte team.
_________________________________

above all
Above all powers
Above all things
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what You're worth

:::
Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

whoa

2005-04-23T21:57:00.000+08:00

haha, i've got this really weird sunglasses tan on my face now. as beh puts it - cyclops. anyway, due to some interesting development in the sailing fertenity, i've finally gotten proper(i think) recognition to some aspects of my sport. i.e. look under the sports section in friday 22nd apr's issue. hahahaa!
nvm. that's all probably the ego that i'm gonna spill on my blog. heh.
come to think of it, why do people search of something that they already have? it's not easy (a common word, i just realized that alot of pple tend to say) to make something stable, and when there's mutual respect from both parties, then the equation will be balanced. it's the different state of minds that work on totally opposite wavelengts that cause this differentiation.
if everyone were perfect in their own special way, woudn't the world be as lovely as it seems? i realized that the ideal society structure would be communistic, but at the same time, this ideal society structure will be flawed since human errors and human nature is not taken in to consideration. why would one want to work as hard as he cans, when his counterpart is sitting at home and gets the same amout of benefits. it's a world where people work/do their stuff to their best of their abilities, not mentioning that some naturally are more productive than others because of their talent. it draws parallels with certain relationships that are, and will go on in this world. to err in human.
sweet temptation from hagen das. haha. and my sister got the fondeu. :)
eurps, stress is slowly seeping in...

2005-04-16T22:00:00.000+08:00

i wrote something here yesterday, but i don't know where it went. blahh.
i'm glad to have you pple in my life. i said somthing like, i don't know why i'm living, or why i'm here, but it seems that as long as i don't aggrivate it, it won't aggrivate me. is it my nature of asking such questions? i don't really comprehend myself, as why should i comprehend others? and why my path of becoming something or someone who needs to comprehend other pple? it's difficult to lead lifes, and why wasn't 'complication' mentioned in the owner's menu when i was born? if there were such things, then my profession next time would become redundant.
sigh.
still wandering in the mists of fate. something that i can't create.

today has been really unproductive. -.-"

dang

2005-03-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

whoa.. not blogged in a month.
what's worth living? again, another day that passes with out telling you what i intend to do when i come back from italy. it's something that i thought would be easy to say.. easy to tell you. but the more i put myself into your shoes. the more i feel reluctant to. it's like loosing another bit of your body. like you've already lost 3--> calvin, colin and shane. i don't want to put you in the position in questioning your job or such.. as pple move on. i'll move on too. haiz. i think that you know that your job izzint the easiest in the federation, you are in a class where pple move on, there won't be any permanant sailor..
but i'm moving on.. really moving on. and i think i'll be moving on with calvin.. heh. but on the bright side, when you see us, we'll be in the same boat, making the same amout of trouble and noise to the other...as we did to you. for now. i'll tell you later.. i don't know when.. but i'll definately not keep you in doubt. i respect you.. alot. i really hope you see that in me. and i'll do what i can to make you proud.

-giba. my coach.

stoopid doodleboard. :) hafta get another one really soon.

art is still going well, for now. i don't really see what's going to happen.. but i'll just play with the flow, ano not to something like i did last year. brings me to thinking - how in the world am i gonna fininsh off my art pieces when i only have art lessons to work on it? dang.. training is going from 2 times a week to 6. bummer.

24/7

2005-02-24T23:34:00.000+08:00

my sister made an egg for me when i was stressed. i won't forget it.
as we retrospect into our lives, there's an urge to relive certain times. these times are those which leads to a fork.
there's no wrong in wanting to change what you think you've done. it's just that, what you did last time would have inevitably affected what you think now, which is your want to change that choice. vice versa.

i wanted so much to relive that 4 hours spent in the art room a week ago. anticipation killed me. the grave was dug even before the lesson started.

yi-ming, thanks for the egg.

2005-02-20T19:16:00.000+08:00

what's worth living? not like i'm not happy with my life at the moment, actually, i am.. but what's deterring me from living it fully? i can't be content with everything that is thrown at me. i know who i am, i know my personality, but do people know mine? still, i dunno which direction i should go.
if there were a risk to take, and the risk was worth it, why not take it? people live each day taking risks after risk, calculating them to the slightest digit, slightest decimal, slightest denominator, slightest. Failure. This fear of failure deters even the most analytical minds. Roots of the mind run deep into what we know, our past occurances. This well of knowledge is exploited though our lives, feeding on previous instances, lessons, failures.
This is where we take our risks.
What if i hadn't told you what i said? would we be living as we were? i would still feel what i felt, you the same. am i the cause of you pain?
To explore the outside of your already inate box of knowledge, is like entering another dimension, another reality. Will we accept this new reality, or rather, new occuance? thats why, the fear of failure is that, we fear. Thus taking risks. Take these risks outside the pot, venture into grounds that we have never exploited upon..
see what we get.
2 hearts on 2 different roads, travelling in a totally different direction. is it still accepted?

2005-02-11T14:22:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry. wait for me

my will

2005-02-02T19:39:00.000+08:00

*cough cough*
procrastination kills. it's slowly taking its toll on me. i've been ruminating too much, thinking.. 'wth have i been doing?' speak about helping sort out people's lives, have i sorted out my own?
anyway, i almost blew up the lab with maurice. >.<"
sodium nitrate rox!

extention

2005-01-27T20:21:00.000+08:00

you wouldn't wanna guess what i got. disgustingggg.
too much time has been wasted on my part. if reality were somthing that we choose to live in, then why bother thinking in to it? if not for the fact that we see what we choose to see, we hear what we choose to hear and we believe what we want to belive, we will still be living in a world such that our ideals will be shared with everyone else. it makes each and every one of us unique. i'm myself because i want myself to be in this fashion, which is undoubtly through an influence of others. can't this control from others be controlled? i wanna be a philosopher that sits around, thinking, and getting paid at the same time. wouldn't that be an ideal for alot of people? unless, thats if, they've got something to strive for in life.
are we really that bored?
if there's a reason behind all of this, i'd love to hear it. look at the politics in the world right now. look at the politics happening even now in a familiar faternity. i'd bet that those people behind the ivory desks would rather sign papers than open coffee shops. maybe that's why we procrastinate so much.
i gotta do my iso.

something for nothing

2005-01-13T20:27:00.000+08:00

try me. i dare you.
sec 1s are turning realll gay man. haha. this year's batch not as cute.
what would happen if joy were taken out of the world? i was thinking, if there wasn't joy, there wouldn't be so much of a problem coping with what's happening to the world nowadays. is it due to our solace in comfort? look at my class.. so happy and emm.. gay.haha. even went to the exten of class bonding really closely last year. if there wasnt joy.. would carol low let molly sleep during chem? would mary lee let all of us listen to music during zuo wen? haha. this is all happening cuz we're used to having fun. this made me think, how about the kids in africa.. suffering in the sun, feeding on weeds, starving, dehydrating... ms loh's clip of 'where is the love' must've made me think this way, and especially the thoughts of Friedrich Nietzsche's analogy of 'God is dead'. would we, as people of society want to follow a 'superman' that leads us to war, leads us to strife, leads us to a vicious circle of faith and command? or even, faith IN command? i'd bet the kid in africa wouldn't give 2 flying peices of chinese new year shit about it. he'd just go towards what ever he views as salvation.
i thought i was having a bad life with all the current situations going within my life. it got this complicated cuz i made it so. if i were a child in africa, would this matter to me if i were in my position now? i doubt that the kid would even thinking of such things.

2005-01-11T23:04:00.000+08:00

don't ask about the handphones. nothing happened in class. nothing.

entry no. 1

2005-01-10T22:40:00.000+08:00

people do things for a reason. in the fading mist that bring dawn to day, and the dust that settles on the streets after dusk. who created emotions? why is there a need of it? if the emotions didn't exist, then wouldn't we be living in a perfect world? a utopia that didn't require stirfe, didn't require hate, didn't require famine, didn't require death?
if people wanted to change, they could. but unfoutunately, God didn't programme us to be this way. in fact, we manipulated ourselves to suit our whims. we lie.
i dunno what i've done do deserve what i'm getting now. maybe it's not his fault nor mine. but it's just the incompetence of our character. you know that there won't be a change in status anytime soon, yet you insist that i check. you insist that i greet you, yet, do you greet me? you insist that i put my things in order, yet, do you? maybe you do, but i wouldn't know. i don't want to know.
is this a phase in our lives that our characters conflict? i wanted to keep all this in me. it's not something easy to do, i'd say. but it's gotten to the point beyond my control. i thought it worked out last time. we were competent then. that was then. long ago, when we tried to make change. i liked it then, i'm sure you did too. i've adapted to certain things that i knew would make our relationship come together, but how about you? i made the changes for you. did you make any for me? recover fast. i'm still praying for you.

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be ..

2005-01-10T22:21:00.000+08:00

boo!

2005-01-10T20:04:00.000+08:00

new url: mashed-ale.blogspot.com
this is still in beta format. no need to announce to the whole world yet.haha.. and i'd also like to thank my dear sister, who helped me wif this, and also blogged for nothing. haha.

2005-01-09T21:15:00.000+08:00

this is supposed to be a super long long test t see whether this stupid thing has a scroll bar. if it doesn't then ii'm dead. eeeeeeeee . ahahahaa. i got nothing to say. my bro is realleh realleh lame. hmmmm. nothing nothing nothing tosay. aaack. what to say what to say what to say? ooowwww. he just whacked me. and now with a rubber band. GUESS WHAT. I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY NOW. ahahahah. hokay. very very lame. but now my right arm hurts. i can't type properly. curse you brother. MUAHAHAHAHA. (: yay. i feel delightedly happy. i dunno whether this is long enough.

is this good?

hm. or now?

acck.

wth.

sis (:
np no no. it's me. yeah. now tis thy dear sister. yay

2004-11-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

whoa